i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
