Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
