don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
pray to the hookup gods
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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