There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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