I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
