Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
