so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
