Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
