I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
