doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
