guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
