If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
