I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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