you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
