The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
