you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
