Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
