So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
