you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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