i wish my penis had a tongue
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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