that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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