you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
