How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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