Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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