I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
