Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
