I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
