Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
