We tried having a conversation with our noses.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
