Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
