I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
