I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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