Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
