the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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