dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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