I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
