I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
