guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
