Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
