I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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