I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So much rum. So many feels.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
