a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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