i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize