do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
