Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
