brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
