I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
not ubering you a puppy
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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