I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
