Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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