i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
