my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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