dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
