Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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