I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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