I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
