She is in my trunk
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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