i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
