9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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