just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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