cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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