she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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