RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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