im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
