He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
