apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
